Many years ago when I was in high school, I observed a situation in a church that made me ask questions about what was the right thing to do. Through an adult friend I was made aware of a family situation that a Christian couple were facing.
They had a son in his late teens or early twenties who had not become a Christian. He was still living in the home, but he was struggling with life and was making several bad choices. His friends were not Christians, his activities were not Christian, and his attitudes were not good. He also was abusing illegal drugs. The parents, who were committed church members, knew about these activities and were trying to discern what they could best do to help their son.
They came to the conclusion that it would be best for the son to remain in the home. They even allowed him to take his drugs while he was in the house. If I recall, their reasoning was it was safer for him to do the drugs in their home than it would be for him to be out and about where other negative things were happening.
I remember thinking to myself, “This doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.” Through the years I have thought about this situation as I have observed other situations in families I knew and also situations in my own home.
As parents, we love our children and are supposed to love them. Sometimes though it becomes difficult to discern how to apply that love, especially in situations like I have just described. Let me share what scripture verses have spoken to me and caused me to make the decisions I have made in my own family.
Recently I wrote about the verse from Joshua where he states “but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:16. In my understanding of that verse, Joshua is making a statement about the ones living in his household. As parents with adult children, we cannot control what our older children think, or feel, or believe, but we can control what takes place under the jurisdiction of our home.
And I believe that Joshua was saying as the leader of his home that the ones living under his roof, under his jurisdiction, or as I have heard some parents say, “eating at my table,” that they were going to be serving the Lord. Now let’s break down that statement a bit. Again, we cannot control whether someone else is a Christian, or believing the same as we do, but we can decide that the ones living in our house are going to serve the Lord.
In other words, you do not have to be a Christian to serve the Lord. Through the years, our family as a group would do many things to serve other people, thus serving the Lord. And at the time, we knew that some of our children were not Christians. We did not excuse them or preclude them from serving with us because they were not Christians. No, we encouraged them to serve right along side of us. I knew they were not going to receive eternal rewards for their service as the scriptures teach, but I knew they would benefit from learning to serve.
So let’s fast forward a few years. Now we have adult children living in our home. Are they free to choose how they believe and how they live. Of course they are. But as a parent I am still free to choose what happens under my jurisdiction in my home. And I believe that what Joshua was saying is that the people living in his home, under his jurisdiction, participating in the family life of his home, were going to serve the Lord. He was not saying they had to believe everything he believed, he was saying they had to follow the rules of his home to live there and that included serving the Lord. If they chose to not live within those guidelines, then it was time for them to find another place to call home.
Okay, this is a difficult decision no doubt. We could go over all the reasons it is difficult for parents to ask adult children to leave their home, but if you are a parent you already know what most of those reasons are. But the question remains, what does the Scripture teach in regards to this matter. Well, wisdom tells us that a house cannot stand if it is divided. Jesus made this point very clear in his teaching. Mark 3:25 And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Here is the sad story that is taking place in many Christian families today. They are choosing to allow their adult children to stay in their home, even while those grown children are rejecting their teaching and practicing a different lifestyle than the parents. The parents may or may not be allowing their children to take illicit drugs in their home, but those adult children are certainly not serving the Lord with their life.
But the parents cannot bear the thought of seeing their children go out into the world. They fear their children will make many wrong choices and do many more wrong things if they live outside the home. But God knows best because God is a Father. And He knows that if an adult child is not willing to follow the rules, it is best for them to set up their own house and learn themselves what life is about.
